5 Questions to Ask to Break the Tension; Playing Nicely with Others and Not Being Weird

You’re at the top of the hill with your friends, some you might know really well and maybe some total strangers. You guys are clipping on your helmets, kicking your board up into your hands, and generally shuffling about waiting for the nonverbal que to go down the hill again. Social anxiety has no place at the top of the hill since you all have some common ground to speak on, but small talk regarding your recent setup tweaks can only take you so far.

How does one truly forge unbreakable bro bonds betwixt bros? How do you make homies? What does it even mean to lurk?

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I have no idea.

BUT, here are a few sweet ice-breakers to bust out during a lurk-sesh to put y’all on the fast-track to being butt buddies.

1. What’s the largest animal you think you could kill with your bare hands?

This is always elicits good answers for two reasons: everyone thinks they’re way stronger than they are, and the ridiculous answers will inevitably instigate some friction between machismos. This might push people to prove that they are the ballsier alpha-skater. You’ll hear ridiculous answers like “yeah bro I could probably choke out a deer or something” from people who have no idea how crazy strong a deer’s vitality is. You’ll also hear bullshit like “if a shark washed up on a beach I could just wail on it with my fists until it dies.” Dying from asphyxiating in our atmosphere does not mean you killed it with your bare hands ya dingus. Most people will completely overlook the emu, an incredibly large bird with a proportionally narrow neck that you have a very good chance of being able to wring if you snagged it just right. I am 90% sure that it is the largest animal a human could kill with its bare hands in a fair fight, but I’m sure a bunch of you posers out there beg to differ. Fight me.

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2. Share your secret weapon: the most fire pickup line in your extensive arsenal of lady-killing quotes.

Ahh, nothing brings boys together like girls. You may be uncomfortable unveiling the magic to your raw charisma and animal magnetism to your friends but hey, skating is all about pushing boundaries and by extension SO IS LURKING. So tell all; explain why you should never use correct grammar in text messages to add to your ‘bad-boy’ vibe. Notify your friends that hand-holding is for wussies and that you should always hold hunnies by the waist. Debate the value in not showering the day before the date so that your pheromones are particularly pungent. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he talks about girls; pay attention and unlock the keys to homies and hunnies, you autistic weirdo.

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3. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?

Me personally, the weirdest thing I ate was probably silk-worm cocoons during a pilgrimage to the Motherland. Saucy, fibrous, and served to me by a toothless street-vendor in a rolled up newspaper, this gastronomic gamble left me both full and satisfied. See? Easy conversation. Everyone likes food and everyone likes being grossed out by hypotheticals; go nuts.

(Pro-tip, lie about things to make yourself seem cooler)

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4. What do you think happens after we die? 

I mean, here we are. Constantly surfing the line between a good time and a gristly demise. At any given point and time we can potentially bite the big one and be free of this world for good.

Sucks, I know. Or does it?

Perhaps after our existence concludes in this realm we phase into a new reality; a hyper-dimensional state of cosmic bliss in which you are finally comfortable in your own skin for once and the brink of eternity, for some reason, just doesn’t seem as bleak anymore.

Or maybe we just burn in hell forever because we looked at internet titties.

Maybe we burn because it didn’t stop at internet titties and our sexual perversion went so awry of what is biologically natural that our grand creator decided that she just wasn’t having any of it and needed to put a stop to us.

Or reincarnation. Turn into ghosts. Or nothing.

WHO KNOWS?! The only thing that is certain is that the people you’re with sure as hell don’t know either; go crazy with this one.

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5. Tryna light up? 

This is basically instant friendship. Or jail depending on where you live.

We are not responsible for anything stupid you do or any bad advice you take.

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And there you have it. With all this fodder for the friendship-fire, how can one not be thrust into the enlightened bliss of eternal chillin’ n illin’? I have given you the blueprints to bro-hood, the frickin’ bible on how to not be a shy goon with unrealized fantasies of human interaction. You can finally have all the attention your parents deprived you of.

ALL OF IT!

FOR FREE!

BECAUSE I’M SUCH A NICE GUY!

PLEASE BE FRIENDS WITH ME!

ME!

Listen to my infallible, 100% correct advice all the time and become the GOD the cosmic deities destined you to be.

TJ, out.

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Why?

Cuz I get paid to do this, son.

Pantheon Longboards

Based out of Newton, Pennsylvania, this family-owned brand is off to a hot start with some slick looking decks and higher-wisdom vibe. On some third-eye tip, Pantheon seems to be about the actualization of a vision the brains behind the whole operation has been cooking up for quite some time.

The results?

Sick ass boards, son.

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Booyahhh

I took some pictures of the lineup and thought I’d repost the specs from the Pantheon website along with some personal thoughts on the decks. Cause you know. What I think is helluh important and stuff.

FIRST OFF THE MUHFUCKIN LOGOS:

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40 Inches Long
23-28″ Wheelbase
1/8″ Crescent Drops
1/4″ Rocker between drops
Flat Truck Mounting
Micro-Flush Mount
CNC’d Wheel Wells
8-Ply Canadian Maple Construction
Ayahuasca Graphic

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Keeping up with trendy and functional topmount shapes the Logos feels solid underfoot. I really like the extensive variable wheelbase options; mega cool for really tweaking the feel of your ride. The microdrops work well with the rocker, and the flares make their home along the bends quite nicely. There’s even a little bit of kicktail action going on if you like the inner wheelbases if you’re into that sort of thing. And the whole hallucinogen-inspired graphic really does tickle me pink. This board totally doesn’t suck; good job guys.

NEXT UP THE GATDAMN GAIA DECK

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-38.5 inch length
-10 inch width
-1/8″ crescent shaped micro drops
-wheelbase options from 23 to 28 inches
-progressive radial concave with through-concave drops and tail
-micro-flush mount at 23″ wb option
-CNC Wheel wells

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This is neat. The kicktail is wayyy more pronounced than the previous deck which is awesome for those of y’all still on that ‘skate everything’ tip. The crescent drop looks a little funky but still workable since they are shaped kind of like footstops, and the taper ties the whole shebang together to still feel like a classic longboard deck. My only qualm is that I’d only be able to use the drops the way I’d want to if I was using the inner wheelbase since I like to have my feet really close to my trucks whilst riding topmounts. I feel like I’d struggle using the drops well while mounted on the outside wheelbase but that might not necessarily be true for other riders. Still a solid design and spinoff of a classic shape.

AND THEN WE HAVE THE NEXUS.

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36-inches long

30-inch wheelbase

10-inches wide

1-inch crescent drop

drop-through

mucho concave, but you know…in a way that’s comfy

9-ply rock maple

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Mixing it up with a double-drop mounted deck, the Nexus strikes me as a rad long-distance push/freeride/technical downhill monster. The lowered center of gravity allows for easy pushing and the initiation of drifts while the longer wheelbase allows for big, sweepy turns at speed. The forked ends of the board protect it from curbs by allowing your truck baseplate to take the brunt of the impact, which may not be to your liking if you have invested in expensive precision trucks. Still a cool shred-sled, bringing back 2009 in a big way.

WHATS NEXT? HUH?! WELL ITS THIS THING

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ITS THE NEXUS AGAIN, but this time she’s topmounted.

38 inches long
29-30 inch wheelbase
9.8 inches wide
9-ply maple construction
1-inch deep crescent drops
Symmetrical
Eddie Kihm Graphic

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A little narrower and offering a slightly shorter wheelbase option, the topmounted Nexus still offers a lot of the same things its drop through version does with just a few tweaks so that you the boarder can really pick out the deck that fits your style on fleek. And its symmetrical for going ham switch; also a cool feature.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS A SICK DECK THEY MADE?! THE EMBRYO YO.

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Uh huh

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Length – 36.5 inches

Width – 10 inches

Wheelbase – 25.5-29 inches

Rocker – .25 inches

Concave – Plenty!

8-ply Rock Maple

CNC Wheel Wells

CNC Flush Mounts

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With all these crazy shapes and designs lately, the Embryo is a breath of fresh air hitting us with a simple, classic shape with mellow rocker almost reminiscent of the old Comet boards. Not much to say about this board since it is pretty basic ya digg. Overall a solid addition that rounds out Pantheon’s lineup pretty well.

WHATS THE LAST BOARD IMA TALK ABOUT?! IS IT LA LUZ?! IT IS-

LA LUZ

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-34.5 inch length
-9.875 inch width
-wheelbase options from 23-28 inches
-progressive radial concave
-1/8″ crescent shaped microdrops
-1/4″ rocker
-flush mount at 23″ WB
-CNC wheel wells

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With wheelwells transitioning into bitty little cutouts this deck will probably allow you to run slightly larger wheels than some of Pantheon’s other topmounts. I personally like this one a bunch since its a bit narrower which would allow my smaller feet to be able to get solid leverage over both rails of the board, as opposed to standard 10″ wide boards where I gotta shuffle around a bunch just to do my shit. Comfy rocker, cool shaped drops, another board to get riggedy riggedy wrecked on, son.

Be sure to check out more of Pantheon’s boards at their site http://pantheonlongboards.myshopify.com/

R.I.P Fivemile Skateboards

All empires will someday meet their inevitable demise.

Some simply fall sooner than others.

The end of Fivemile has weighed heavily on my mind for quite some time now, but after conferring with my former teammates I can only conclude that sometimes, thats just the way she goes.

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It doesn’t do well to be too bummed out about it though. At least we raised hell while it lasted, and that is the irrefutable truth.

I remember when I first met the hard-talking tattooed pirates that ran the whole operation. I was but a scared little boy afraid to get bump-drafted by the big dogs and they were all mad scientists fervently declaring their next crazy advancement in board-shaping to be on par with that of the second coming of Christ.

Lost in the tide of technical jargon pertaining to triple-drops and mustache-rocker, I struggled to make sense of what exactly it was that I was riding, but then again in all honesty I didn’t really care.

The boards just felt good. 

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So I rode em. I rode em again and again and again, broke a couple, saved up and copped some more. Rain Daley was on the team back then and he was one of the first really good skaters to take me to the sweet shred-spots near where we lived and teach me how to not kill myself down the runs. I was hooked.

Careening down chunderous runs without knowing how to pendy can get all sorts of ugly; I had to lose a lot of skin before I figured out how to slow down right without bailing into a bush.

But you can only suck for so long before you inevitably start sucking less.

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I watched a million skate  videos and tried copying the styles of all the coolest riders at the time. It just so happened to be that some of the best skaters were local to my area and were more than down to call me a pussy and tell me I’m doing it wrong.

Trial by fire baby.

The whole Five Mile team as a whole was always down to kick it with my grommy self at events, always up to no good and never about the stress. It was a beautiful era in the longboarding spectrum of development; there was no standard metric for steeze and people didn’t try so hard to be something nobody understood.

It was all just a weird, good time for no reason and that was the best.

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In that environment I eventually got picked up by them and proceeded to embark upon a series of wild misadventures with the team, the least of which include raucous fight-circles and one incredibly memorable encounter with a bear.

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To be honest I’m surprised they all didn’t kill me; the scene at the time could be quite overwhelming for a little boy.

But it was still the best time I had ever had that far into my life. I could never have imagined feeling that alive while I was still just your average garden-variety nerdy degenerate.

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And all too soon its over, just like that.

And I’m okay with it. It sucks, but I couldn’t be more grateful for all that I’ve learned from my time with them.

Cody Shea, ringleader and one of the evil masterminds behind the whole shebang had some parting words before we all split ways:

Over the past 10 years we have put our blood, sweat and tears into this vision we call Five Mile Skateboards. Since the beginning we’ve had the pleasure of creating our own unique decks to offer the world, created some rad videos, met an enormous amount of incredible people, travelled all over the world, sold our products on nearly every continent, and created relationships that will last a lifetime. Those experiences we wouldn’t give up for anything in the world. Like many good things in life, some things simply can’t last forever. With that being said it saddens us to announce that Five Mile is closing its doors after 10 wonderful years. It was a very tough decision for us to make, but we feel we have given this amazing ride everything we have to offer and it’s time we all move on to other things. We are very proud of all of our accomplishments over the past decade and we feel this is the best decision to make at this time. We want to publicly thank everyone who supported, helped, and believed in us for so long. We would also love to thank Resource Distribution for the tremendous support they have given us in offering Five Mile to the world.

Many of us, including our team riders, will be moving on to join other companies and we support every one of our riders in pursuing their skating careers. I myself will be joining Riviera Skateboards, Paris Trucks, and Divine Wheels to continue to bring the world high quality videos and plan on remaining involved in this industry that has given us so much. We here at Five Mile are a huge family and though it breaks our hearts to have to make this announcement, I have to say that we are excited for these new opportunities and we wouldn’t change anything even if we could. This company has helped us grow into the people we are today and I’m very proud of everything we’ve done the past 10 years.

With all that said, we would like to offer all of our supporters a chance to get your piece of Five Mile history while they are still available. We are working with a few of our loyal Five Mile distributors and retailers to spread whats left of our stock around and make it available at a lower price. We’re asking our retail partners to offer all of our last decks at the price of $89.00 each. So if you’ve been waiting to get your hands on one of our decks, now is your best chance before they are all gone! We are sad this day has come but we are also happy to offer our fans and supporters this chance to own one of our decks for a fraction of the original price. So get them while you can!

We would also like to acknowledge the many people that stuck with us over the years. To any riders who joined our team past and present, you know who you are and you know what you’ve done for us. We will never forget all of you for keeping us moving. It’s been truly a pleasure and a dream come true working on Five Mile all these years. I can honestly stand here today and tell you we gave it all we had, and we are proud of what we’ve done for the downhill skateboarding industry.

Though this may be the end of our past, it also marks the beginning of our future, and we are proud to know our legacy will last forever.

With much love and respect to all,

Cody Shea
And The Five Mile Family

Lordy, we gave it a good run. Buuuut its time to put the horse to bed. I don’t even think thats an expression but I don’t care.

Good night sweet prince.

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Local Shredder Showcase: DYLAN PIERCE

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Hailing from Bothel, Washington, Dylan has been a mega-stoked skater supporting his local scene and cranking out dope threads for shredders at www.122streetwear.com. We brought him into the shop for an intense line of questioning. 

How long have you been skating? 

3 years

What style of riding do you favor? 

Style of riding? I get the bottom of the hill and have as much fun as possible. Skate everything

Favorite wheels? 

Cloudride Mini-slides

Yeah those are dope. How old were you when you got your first kiss?

13 years old

How did you start up your local scene?

I started my local scene by harassing 8th graders into skateboarding

What was it like putting on your first event?

Putting on my first event was stressful. Planning everything, talking to locals, getting supplies. Its a full deal.

I dunno man, I showed up to one of those lit night-seshs and it was pretty fun. Til the cops rolled through. 

Thats how she goes.

Best song to sing in the shower?
Firework, by Katy Perry.

What made you really want to start skating seriously? 

I started skating cause I ate shit my first time and wanted to get payback

Tell me about your best hobo experience. 

My best one involves this one shitfaced dude taking my board at a skatepark and trying to drop in. Totally ate shit. It was stellar.

Best place you’ve ever traveled to. 
Favorite place to travel? San Francisco and the Bay area. Sweet hills and sweeter women.

Ahh, you dog. Most memorable encounter with the law?

Best cop story? We got chased down a parking garage by a dude lights and sirens blaring
He was squealing through corners keeping up with us

Did he catch you? 

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Shitty. Whats your setup dawg? 

Omen barbarian, Atlas trucks 51/41 split, Free Ballins

How much money would an anonymous donor have to give you for you to step on a kitten? 

$69,420

Exactly?

Exactly.

Ever been in a fight?

Old dude beat me up at a party once.

Musta been some party. 

I go ham.

Word. Well thanks for letting me do my job wasting your time. Any sponsors you wanna shout out before we wrap this bad boy up? 

Hi Mom!

Nice. 

And so we sent young Dylan on his merry way, back out into the dangerous world fraught with killer party-goers and naughty cops. But Dylan isn’t scared, no he isn’t. Dylan’s a man now. Or something. 

We’re all excited to see you back out on the hills bud. 

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Skating Stuff and Stuff

It was late into the day that I awoke to glorious rays of sunshine beaming into my face.

I had a decision to make.

To make food and watch T.V…. or skateboard. 

I knew what must be done to salvage the remnants of the daylight.

I proceeded to blow up my friend’s phones.

“Yo. Yoooooo. Wake up. Wake upppp. WAKE UP. WAKE UP PUSSY ITS TIME TO SKATE WAKE UP WAKE UP LETS GOOOOOOO-“ etc.

Fast-forward a couple hours and the ugly teenagers had assembled on the treacherous E-line, the bus formerly known as the 358. A notorious bus route traversing the length of Aurora, its penchant for transporting your average garden-variety homeless to aggressive loons proclaiming to be the next messiah held especially true for our short journey to Seattle.

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One friendly stranger even took it upon himself to regale us with rumors of an underground city that housed ancient Vedic texts that could give us powers to overthrow the government.

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Tho alas, the tale was cut short as we had to hop off the bus to stop by our favorite skate shop…

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… to say whats up and cop some last-minute gear before our excursion.

We arrived in time to catch the last bit of sun.

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Then it got dark,

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The homie Jamillion scared himself,

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And then we stopped at one of the last sacred places on God’s sweet earth.

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The Chinese joint in the Marketplace have the most righteous Hombows known to man. Don’t even ask what they are just find the place and ask for their Hombows and take whatever they fucking give you and finally start living your life.

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Thus powered by the awesome might of the hombows we bravely sallied forth back into the night, bellies full and hearts lusty.

We skated some more.

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And generally had a chill time.

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And a chillin time it was; productive with eating, falling, and general debauchery.

It was way cooler than if I had just slept in more or stayed in being a vegetable at home. I kind of had an alarming realization on the way back home that if I had just decided to be lame this morning, none of this day would have ever even happened.

woahhhhh mannnnnn

But really. I realize for me during the winter its easy to feel stagnated and that there’s never anything to do, but the honest and badass truth is that glorious adventure awaits all who choose to seek it out.

Or something I guess; I don’t really know.

Now go forth and skate stuff.

“Why am I invincible with headphones in?”

Fellow shop-rat C.J Garner brought up an interesting point the other day:

Safety issues aside, sometimes while you’re cooking down a hairy run it just helps to have some jams blasting in your ear.

Good warrior tunes to really remind ya whats swinging between your legs when you’re out there scaring yourself and pushing the limits.

Something to get you totally JUICED and in the right mindstate to risk life and limb for glory (and dope instagram pics).

Aint he right?

I was mobbing shirtless through the Panty-Raid in like 40* weather to this and I couldn’t feel nothing but stoke.

Not the cold, not the road rash that nearly laid claim to my right nipple.

Nothing but pure, unadulterated stoke to the highest degree.

I was going into turns switch that scared me regular and all I could think was “fuck em fuck em fuck em.”

I’m not quite saying its intelligent or necessary, but music can help or hinder you.

I think the human tendency towards empathy make our vibes really align with whatever we expose ourselves to.

For example I tried skating the same hills to this

and fell off my board immediately to cry about my ex and how tragically misunderstood I am all the time always forever.

See?

Music does stuff to you; listen to the jams that match what you’re tryna do and wanna see in yourself.

Go out and do dope things.

(disclaimer, you should probably leave one earbud out when you’re skating so you can hear cars. It’d suck pretty bad to become a smoothie just because you let a Prius sneak up on you)

The 6 Phases of Coring Wheels

  1. Honeymoon phase (but only with the idea of the wheel)

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You did your homework. Read every review and wheel comparison. You watched the Motion video on the wheels over and over again. Saved up your allowance and pulled the trigger now they’re in your hands, all cellophane wrapped and sticker attached. Ooooh baby the stoke is real and you can’t wait to spread these wheels all over your driveway.

 .

 .

  1. Actually riding them (the break-in period)

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Huh. These are a lot harder to slide than you thought they’d be. Why can’t I do the fat switch-backside checks I was promised?! Run after unsatisfying run down your local hill and you keep getting bucked or totally icing out. You hate this. Your friends are making funny faces and flipping you off as they blast slides past where you are picking yourself up from. You are dropping dignity where you should be dropping thane lanes. You leave the hill in anguished tears, hoping your mom made that soup you really like.

 .

 .

  1. WAIT THESE ARE SWEET (post-break-in)

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At it again. Only this time you’re a couple millimeters deeper into the urethane than you were at first. All of a sudden you’re really digging into your setup carves and buttering out your slides. You’re mixing up your style a bit. That’s right, you just put your hand back there to stalefish your otherwise average squatter. You are a skating god; these wheels are amazing.

 .

 .

  1. This feels gross. (Disenchantment)

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You were having a really good time. But something feels off this session. You can’t quite put your finger on it. The familiar grip-slip ratio you’ve come to love seems to be warping into something unsavory. All your banana-jamming down runs are starting to take their toll; your feet are receiving unconsented massages from the vibrations caused by flatspotted wheels. You feel violated; betrayed. You start looking into other wheels, but know you shouldn’t get more until you core the ones you already have. You swear a sacred oath to end the life of these nasty ass wheels even if it costs you your life.

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.

  1. WHY WON’T THEY DIE

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The last two millimeters of urethane bitterly resist your advances. How many times have you hiked up this godforsaken hill only to 90-blast a squatter in the hopes that you’ll hit the core? This time. This time. The mantra repeats itself as you trundle back up the hill. The wheel is clearly invincible. You have all but given up hope.

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.

  1. Sweet, sweet victory at last

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YEAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHEEEEAAAAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!!!11!!1!!!!!!1!!!!one!1!!!!!!1!!!!!! You’ve finally done it. Sure, you only see part of the core on one or two wheels since you invariably favor heelsides but WHO CARES?! The wheels are DONE with. Finally, all your hard work has paid off and now you have yet another useless stack of plastic to add to your collection. You are now the coolest. You did it champ. You got em. You really won.

Now for a new set of wheels…